Last week I spent a day in a wildlife photography hide with a photographer from Leeds. We had never met before and were in the hide together for over eight hours. During the day we spoke about wildlife photography but also about more general topics - typical small talk between two people who are strangers. Every time I'm in the situation of talking to someone new I find myself feeling very reluctant to mention my illness. My concern is that if I tell them that I'm seriously ill with cancer this will make them feel uncomfortable. That I've actually remained looking relatively well is also a factor here, if I looked ill then people would have some inkling that I must be poorly and wouldn't find it so surprising to hear about my situation.
The problem with not wishing to tell people about my illness is that the topics that people discuss when they first meet are all things that have been strongly impacted by my condition. For example, if people ask me about work I can tell them what my job is but if I tell them I've been off work since January with illness that immediately leads to a discussion about my health. Similarly when people ask about holiday plans I can see them looking rather baffled if I say I don't have any but don't offer any further explanation. My experience is that just a couple of minutes of small talk inevitably leads to a situation where I feel I have to explain about my cancer.
This issue occurs in any social situation involving meeting new people who are unaware of my condition. Katie and I have been to a number of parties since my diagnosis and we've found it really hard to find ways to talk to others without discussing my health. It seems to me that if people are at a party to have a good time the last thing they want is someone telling them within the first five minutes of meeting them that they have late stage cancer; it's something almost guaranteed to dent even the most cheerful party goers mood!
If I do tell people about my disease then, in some instances, this had led to them asking questions about my treatment and prognosis which pretty much force me to either let them believe that my cancer is curable or tell them that I'm terminally ill. I have always been very open about my situation but I do find the prospect of shocking or upsetting people to be of real concern.
I'm not suggesting any criticism of other people here, I know that this is entirely my problem and may even be something of an unwarranted concern on my part. I often find that writing about something helps me to understand it more fully so maybe I'll find a better way of handling these situations as a result of writing this blog.
Katie and I have had a very busy couple of weeks. I've been feeling pretty good but in the last week I've started to experience some stomach/abdominal discomfort and I'm also finding fatigue to be more of an issue than it has been of late. Overall though I'm still happy with how I'm keeping.
We visited Powis Castle in Wales on a gloriously sunny day last week. The castle was built in the twelfth century and has undergone many changes since. The gardens were looking magnificent, here a few photo's from our visit.